I'm really in it now. I've pushed back the brush and have ventured right back into the territory that beat me up and nearly killed me before. Two years ago I wasn't capable of caring about anyone, most of all myself. Second most of all, a person that I had made a commitment to.
I didn't understand that the commitment that I had made was to be okay, to be strong and capable so that, when paired with another strong, capable person, we could form a team that could be even stronger and more capable together. I lost sight of this very basic fact when I became dissatisfied with the game.
Well, now I don't play be the rules anymore. I've spent time on my own and I've discovered my value in this world. I feel right. So I did not continue to wander down I-11 South, away from her. I have stayed here, in town, with her. I am going to be okay. I am still going to be insane, that's not ever going to change. But I can use my way of seeing the world to contribute to the larger good and I can do it with another person. We are working on building a relationship of equality and respect. We are listening to each other and moving forward slowly as we find our footing. We are both good at walking alone, now we are trying to walk with someone else again. We have both fallen on our faces trying to do this before, but now we have grown, changed, found our strength, and we have been given the opportunity to try again, as different people.
I am going to work today. It will be amazing. It is a perfect place for me, and I have the right motivation to be there. I said recently that I don't think I will ever have a job again, and I feel like this is not a violation of that statement.
I am truly in the wilderness now and I have someone to share it with. Anything is possible.
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