If we agree with the great philosophers that claim that our reality is only a construct of our consciousness, that everything we experience is an elaborate game set up by our mind to help us work out our own internal conflicts, that makes us pretty egotistical. I don't tend to stay in this headspace for very long. I see the point, but I think that reality is a lot more inclusive than that. Of course my reality is right and complete, but I don't necessarily think that is any more overwhelmingly complex or exclusive than, say, Emily's. Or yours, dear reader. You still exist when I'm not paying attention to you, and you have a reality all your own when I'm not looking. You are free to make your own game and then deal with it.
All I'm saying is that it IS true that everything we experience in life is for our benefit. This reality IS a playing field set up to be just complex enough to keep us a little confused, but everything is ultimately connected and there is a point to it all. The answers are out there, and they are wild and enjoyable.
Once you figure that out, everything else is gravy. It's all here for us to enjoy, and once you start enjoying it, it all gets a lot easier. Everything, up to and including our emotions and sensory perception, is merely a set of challenges that must eventually be overcome. The game is long. Life-long. Multi-life-long. Infinitely long. Even the deaths and rebirths that we experience are just our challenges for that day. When you start to see that, it makes everything seem a lot less overwhelming, it makes whatever challenges you face in a day seem interesting rather than cumbersome, and it makes you want to seek out the coolest levels of the game that you can possibly find. You start thinking things like, "Do I want to play 'go to work' today? Or do I want to play 'hop a bus to Vancouver' and see how that goes?" The choice in that scenario is easy. Currently, I'm playing the levels of 'get my shit together' and 'build a new, healthy relationship' simultaneously. They are both challenging, but I am having a great time. They are exactly the levels that I want to play because the choice is mine.
I am currently spending a lot of time with the physical manifestation of my own happiness. Now, even happiness is an emotion that I can disconnect myself from. I can take a step back, see it for the illusion that it is, and be grateful that I get to play this game where I get to be happy sometimes. This cuts down on my fear that 'happiness', in this case personified as a girl, will leave me. If she, or the happiness that I associate with experiencing her, goes away, then I have merely to enjoy whatever the next part of the game may be, even if that may be pain over loss. If I am unafraid of this possible outcome, it allows me to experience this moment fully, to love without regret or expectation, and to be honest and open without the fear that I will be hurt or let down. This allows me to say things like, "Emily, you make me happy" in a healthy way, without making her responsible for my happiness or sadness. That also gives her the freedom to be the person she is, to do the things that she does without my harsh judgment of her.
I know that she is playing her own game (and, by the way, I think that she is enjoying herself as well), and this lets me appreciate the increasingly intricate part that she is playing in my game as she reveals new levels of herself to me. I accept each one as it comes and try and figure out the puzzle rather than forming a rigid, unhealthy, and ultimately flawed view of her in my mind and then trying to make her fit into it. I don't ever think that I will presume to 'know her' or that she is acting outside of her character. She is fun when I have to discover her every day. When the mystery of my happiness is free to operate on its own terms then I learn much more, my happiness is free to roam into new experiences of joy, and, of course, Emily is free and comfortable to be herself.
This is all the long version of me saying: Hi, everything is great, I'm writing my own life, and everything is easy.
Every day of my life is the best day of my life.
It took a lot to get here, but I can honestly say that I have not had a bad day in six months. Every day is filled with progress and change and education. I'm excited to see what happens today. I hope you are too, friends.
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