Okay, if you want to get in shape for the spring and summer months, here's what's been working for me:
1. Decide to go running in the morning before coffee and breakfast with your wonderful new girlfriend.
2. Let her coyly ask you to find her a copy of the New York Times to read over her meal (she is ever the newspaper woman).
3. Run in a different direction every morning with a $5 bill in your pocket, stopping at every shop and store along your route that might have a news stand.
4. (This is key) Live in a place (like Martinsburg, WV) that has not a single store in the area that is open at 7:30am and sells the New York Times.
5. As a result, run much farther, longer, and (as a result of growing frustration) faster than you otherwise would.
6. Show up at your girlfirend's house covered in sweat and feeling like a failure.
7. Let your girlfirend (she is ever the optimist) take advatage of your increased physical fitness and stamina in other ways.
8. Everybody wins (except the god damn New York Times, who apparently don't matter enough to be put next to USA today) and Martinsburg, WV (who, from what I hear, could use the busniess).
9. Nine is my girlfriend's favorite number.
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