The Wilderness: Part 2 Unfinished Business in Martinsburg

Back through the fence.
In towards the lake.
In the middle of town,
my courage at stake.

There was an odd lesson in the midst of all of this. Things become more complicated when you care about someone else. She has helped me become healthy again, letting go of my past and the hold it had on my decisions helps me to be more clear-minded. But now I have a new connection. Something that I care about in the present that factors into my decisions. It is no longer just me and the universe. I feel like I need to learn this compassion if I am ever going to be of any use to anyone. I drove her home because she was sick. I stayed because I was worried about her. Through practical action, I have shown someone that they are important to me. This is kind of big. It is an awareness of the feelings of other people that I was never able to manage before, a living amends to the people that I cannot ever tell I am sorry, and it is a personal growth in a time of larger turmoil.

But the universe is waiting. I went back into the strange epicenter of energy in Martinsburg and learned that my senses are not as keen as I thought. There was darkness there. Palpable. The ground was soft and moist. I had to climb over a small hill of loose sticks with unstable footing to get to the level road (it felt like the path to the Pet Sematary) , and even there my feet plunged through the earth into the muck below.

There was a crude cage, probably 2 meters by 10. There were dead deer inside. Three, maybe four. Even with the light of my headlamp, the darkness was too thick to snap a picture of them. At least one of them had been eaten by something. One of the other deer as it neared starvation? It was half gone, that suggests something larger. The smell was not intense and the decay was not advanced. These animals had not been dead for very long.

I searched the perimeter of the lake. There was one structure within the fencing. I couldn't tell what it was. Residence, business? Google maps didn't yield any information on it. The lake was dark and beautiful and dangerous. There was lots of movement in this wilderness within the town. I could see cars out through the fence on Martin Street, but I could also hear geese honking and small mammals rooting around near to me. I could not, however, find any doorway out or the root of the dark energy that was clouding my mind. It made me realize how long this road is going to be, how dull and untested I still really am.

And I feel behind. I've lingered here, backtracked even, jumped off the beam in order to look into her eyes a few more times. If I had gone it alone, I'd be to the site of the Bowlin Green Massacre already (Ha!). But this has been worth it. I have a partner now, someone to consider, but also someone to share the adventure with. I think that this will prove valuable in the times to come. Plus, I like her. The universe can beat me up over that if it wants, I can't see the harm in erroring on the side of love and compassion.