Okay. It's time.
I met someone in DC that is obviously the next step for me. Then, like an idiot, I came back to Atlanta. Now I have no money, no means, and no plan. Everyone says, "Stick around, do some work, get a job, find a ride, do things the 'right' way, the safe way. It's okay to compromise." When have I ever done that?
I'm going back to her, to West Virginia. I am going to hop trains, sleep in dumpsters, hitchhike, maybe I'll find a job that'll pay me a couple of bucks. Maybe I'll catch a ride. Whatever I have to do to get back there. I have to prove to myself that I am confident that the world will take care of me. That there is something driving these thoughts that is beyond my control. That I have to let go of fear and do the craziest, most frightening thing I can think of. I have to know that I'll be okay even if I do crazy things, and make mistakes. I'm going to need that confidence soon. There is no point to living otherwise.
If I survive this, I promise I will change the world. There won't be anything that can stop me anymore. Nothing is impossible and I am not afraid. I have been to jail. I found it comforting and relaxing. I have been to death. Sometimes I wish I could go back. I have lost love. Love came back. I have had a bad reputation. My best friend from my old life probably thinks I am guilty of the most heinous crime imaginable. Well, I'm not and I don't care what anyone thinks anymore so fuck all of that.
I will devote myself to doing what is right. I will make the world I live in safe and satisfying for everyone and I will ask nothing in return. I will fight anyone who stands in the way of this. If they want to up the game, stop playing by their own rules, then so will I. Nobody will be afraid in my reality anymore. I am sick of hearing about women being intimidated. I am sick of hearing my minority friends talk about their continued lack of equality. I am sick of injustices being perpetrated by the very people who are in control. It's over. I'm not going to accept any of it anymore. You think that love and faith aren't enough? That money and power and security are all that matters? People can't change their world with nothing but love? Watch me.
If I can do it, so can you. In the past months I have seen rich Coloradans help the homeless, I have seen a Missouri sunrise, a New York New Years Eve, the Liberty Bell, a Jackson Pollock, my wife's memory, Emily's eyes, a Scotsman with a bullwhip, Trump being sworn in, and the largest gathering of people with a common purpose that has happened in my lifetime. I have seen normal people do great things when they act without fear. All of these things make me unafraid. So let's get the fuck on with it.
If anyone thinks that they can intimidate the people around them, or grab more power than their share and be unopposed, they need to know that they can't. If anyone is working to spread fear or hate as an instrument of control, there needs to be someone there to oppose them. Someone with nothing to lose. I can do it. That is me. If you want to help, I won't stop you. Nothing ever changes because of one person. I'll need help. Let me know what you want to do.
If you have any ideas, let me know. Think of anything that has you saying, "If I had nothing to lose, I'd do THIS to change the world." Just tell me what it is and I'll do it for you. Right now I have to go to West Virginia because the universe wants me to. I have to do what it says to do, when it says to do it, because if I take the safer, easier road, even once, I won't be able to help. Like I said, I'm open to suggestions on how to change the world. I've got nothing but time and willingness, and I will always do what I have to, from here on out. When I get to West Virginia I only have about twelve hours worth of pleasure filled plans, I only have a guarantee of one dinner and a bed for a night. Then I may have a new partner in this journey, at least for a while, but otherwise, my schedule is open.
I'm going. See you on the other side.
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