The Wilderness: Part 6

It's been just over a year since I started adding frequent contributions to this blog. For me, life is different than it has ever been. Better. I am nearly 2 years sober, I have an awesome partner, I've seen a good chunk of the country, been at most of the major parties in America, and there is a feeling like the horizon, not so far off, promises greater challenges and opportunities.

Things have, of course, slowed. No one can keep up the pace I was on a year ago, especially when life gets good. I was coming off the hardest time in my life, and it was either sink or swim. I had run off anyone who wanted to help me, but also all of the people who focused on limitations. Now I only have my own shortcomings to worry about, and life is much easier.

I've fallen back to some of my old habits. I've gotten a 'day job' again, after promising myself I was done with that life choice. The job itself isn't bad, it's more about what it represents, and the additional compromises one has to make in order to maintain such a lifestyle. If you have to go to work, you have to have transportation, insurance, groceries, changes of clothes... the list goes on. THOSE are the things that take up time and energy.

One of my big goals in 2018 is to really break free of this in a permanent way. I destroyed all of this in Albuquerque, but I didn't change my mindset about it. That's harder. So, when the comforts of happiness and health come back, so too does our reliance on the systems that tell us these conventions are okay. For me, a lot of these daily activities are counter-intuitive, so it leads to frustrations that could be avoided. But I do have a partner again, someone who I have to consider, so certain patience is needed and worth the effort. That being said, if I'm still writing a blog like this a year from now, I might be in a pretty bad place.

Otherwise, life is grand. Em and I are going to take a true blue vacation, which, again, I have mixed feelings about. 'Are you excited?' she asks. 'Do we have to come back?' I respond. Maybe I'm a spoiled brat.

But we will be spending our one-year anniversary in Portland, OR, a friendly place where neither of us has been, but where we know people. We met on the east coast, shared our first kiss in front of the inauguration speech by an elected official that has proved to be more of a villain than any of us ever anticipated. His racism, slavery to power and money, and bullheaded determination to flex his one and only skill, manifestation, is astounding. So, I'm glad that for our 1 year (and, yes, he has only been president for one fucking year, can you believe that?) we will be as physically far away from the capital of this decaying country as we can. Another goal for this calendar is to plan our exit. We don't have the means or the influence to make any sort of difference here, so we are probably going to have to bow out. We are not captains of this ship, we don't have to stay.