Martinsburg, WV has become a fully realized town. When I first got here, I had the distinct impression this place was being created as I looked at it. It was a strange time within my head where I explored the idea that perception is based on the observer, that the entire world around me was being created by the information my senses were absorbing, but I was also aware that I have no way of knowing how much external reality was tangible when it was beyond my reach. So I assumed there was nothing.
If I was taking a moment to remember someone or some time outside of my immediate view, I suppose I could say that, in some respect, those things and people still exist. But beyond that, I can't say for sure. I realize this is egocentric and pompous, but it helps keep me grounded in the moment. It helps me say, "All I have is this. All that is happening is this, as far as I know. There's no use stewing over the past, and there's no use worrying or, in my case, fantasizing, about the future. If I'm ever going to get beyond that past or make it to the future, I need to act now."
So, I look around at Martinsburg, my immediate reality, all of its people and places representative of some inner struggle that I struggle even to recognize. But, for a place that appeared out of nowhere and seemed a town wrapped around my own mind, a place where my worries and shortcomings, my strengths and triumphs, were written into the plot of the town like some bad soap opera, it has now come to full realization and I have reached the end of my progress here.
I know what lurks around the corners here. I have explored the options, crawled through fences, earned money and love and battled old wounds in new ways. Now, when I look around, I just see reruns. There isn't much excitement here, and I'm ready to bump this whole thing up a notch. I know where the bookstore is going to be when I leave the house in the morning. I know that it is representative of every opportunity I've ever looked for in a job. Great people, great environment with interesting work and strange ponderings. There is love and family and comfort there, but it is a loop, and you know how I feel about that shit (if you don't just scroll back through these blogs). It's time to take the next step in my real job. I know in my occupation as 'human being', my priorities are writing, travel, weird activity, and hanging with my lady (not in that order). I've been doing those things pretty well, we recently saw the Violent Femmes, Gettysburg, Poe's Gravesite. I'm a couple pages away from a draft on a novel. There are magazines I've submitted my stories to who haven't immediately rejected them. It's been a good time. Each of these times calls for its own story, but I'm having problems keeping up, which is why I shut down the social media stuff. But anyway, back to the task at hand.
Even the thieves and derelicts and drug addicts, of which there are a strange amount in this town, know their place. Sure, there is a lot of crime and theft here, but if you know how to jog around it, you can avoid it. I know that communication is key for me here. There are mailboxes to prove it. I know that respect of authority is another lesson I sought here, I know this because there are too many cops in this town, but I have not run afoul of any of them. I know that love and domesticity and patience were big lessons for me here. I have learned to be considerate of another human being, one who represents my current happiness with integrity and vigor. She has given me another chance at being a good partner, and I am happy to not let her down.
But now it is time to grow beyond the limitations that I perceive for myself here. I guess I could dig in and clean up the streets of Martinsburg that I seem to know so well now. OR, I can keep moving, see what else there is to be seen, maybe head back west for a while. And this time, I'll have someone to share the ride.
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